My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
