I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
