You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
