How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
