I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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