yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
