I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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