my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
