Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
