Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
