totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
