thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
