Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
i think i just lost a toe
Randomize
