I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
