just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
