I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Randomize
