PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
