Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
