I want to make a zoo with you.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
