Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
