So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
