Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
