Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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