Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
