69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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