Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
