and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
