Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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