Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
