You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
