I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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