upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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