I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
