Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
