did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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