the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
