honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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