everyone is single if you try hard enough
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
