I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
