Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
someone get that fucking seahorse.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
