Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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