He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
