Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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