It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
