If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
