I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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