just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
