maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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