I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
