MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
