Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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