i already hear my dad disowning me
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
