Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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