He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
