I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
