Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
