He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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