Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
