Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
