I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I'm jealous of your bromance
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I think your dad took our porno
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
