Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
